I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize