you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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