So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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