Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
