I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
