Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
