mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
