On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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