you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
