Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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