Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
