I hate your face
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
