Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize