you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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