update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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