Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize