Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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