Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
