my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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