she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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