You smell like a Billy Joel song
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
