dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
