does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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