Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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