Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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