Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
