dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it's like iHOP with fire
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
