Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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