Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
