I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
