y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
