He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
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oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
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you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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