while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
