The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
