I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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