He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
