At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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