phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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