Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He did a backflip because drugs
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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