My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just want to make out with him forever
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
