Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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