I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
