I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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