The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
