I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
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Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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