Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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