i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Houston, we have a blender
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I didn't notice because vodka
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
