I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
this just has baby written all over it
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
