JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it's like heaven, but drunker
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
