I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
