I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
