I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
