Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
