I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
