i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
smell my finger.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Terrible idea I love it
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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