Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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