i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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