i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
