no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
