But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
